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| Misc | De-modivational | Lyrical Quotes | Simpsons | Star Control |

Misc Quotes

Rehab's for quitters and nobody likes a quitter!

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Rivers of truth taste the same.
- Tibetan Saying

It is better to be pissed off, than to be pissed on.
- Eddie Vedder

To win, you must know and fear your enemy. To begin, you must know and fear yourself.
- General Panette Jorkon

Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward.

The sports page records people's accomplishments; The front page nothing but their failures.
- Justice Earl Warren

We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking as we used when we created them.
- Albert Einstein

Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.

I always wanted to be somebody. I realize now that I should have been more specific.
- Lily Tomlin

It's a mighty poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.
- Andrew Jackson

Looking for the quotes. Gotta check the quotes. Love a good quote.
- George Costanza

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
- Ashleigh Brilliant

If you think that nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
- Earl Wilson

A country can be judged by the quality of its proverbs.
- German proverb

We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.
- Epictetus

Under capitalism man exploits man; under socialism the reverse is true.
- Polish proverb

An honest politician is one who when he is bought will stay bought.
- Simon Cameron

It is no accident that 'stressed' spelled backwards is 'desserts.'

You never get ahead of anyone as long as you try to get even with him.
- Lou Holtz

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
- Benjamin Franklin

If only we'd stop trying to be happy, we could have a pretty good time.
- Edith Wharton

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher... and that is a good thing for any man.
- Socrates

The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled.
- Plutarch

When I get a little money I buy books; and if any is left I buy food and clothes.
- Erasmus

People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes.
- Abigail Van Buren

You can't have a better tomorrow if you are thinking about yesterday all the time.
- Charles F. Kettering

My candle burns at both ends, It will not last the night, But, ah, my foes, and oh, my friends - it gives a lovely light.
- Edna St. Vincent Millay

What is real? How do you define real? If your talking about what you can feel, what you can taste, and see then real is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain.
- Morpheous

What matters Deafness of the ear when the mind hears. The one true Deafness, the incurable Deafness, is that of the mind.

Sign Language is God's noblest gift to the Deaf man.

Life moves pretty fast sometimes. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
- Ferris Bueller

A relationship of any sort, friendship included, can't survive when only one sided.
- Jon the Kralizec (me)

It is as hard to see oneís self as to look backwards without turning around.
- Thoreau

Politics: Poli (many) - tics (blood sucking parasites)

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
- Al Capone

Most people never listen.
- Hemingway

Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.
- Fred Brooks

True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable.
- David Tyson Gentry

It is not enough to have a good mind. The main thing is to use it well.
- Descartes

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.
- John F. Kennedy

Maybe this world is another planetís hell.
- Aldous Huxley

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
- George Bernard Shaw

I want to remember it the way I remember it in my mind, not necessarily the way it really happened.
- Bill Pullman from The Movie Lost Highway

Wisdom is knowing when you don't know
- Socrates

A man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. He sits on a hot stove for a minute, it's longer than any hour. That is relativity.
- Albert Einstein

The life of man, solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.
- The Leviathan by Thomas Hobbes

It suddenly struck me that that tiny pea, pretty and blue, was the Earth. I put up my thumb and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth. I didn't feel like a giant. I felt very, very small.
- Neil Armstrong

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

If at first an idea does not seem absurd, there is no hope for it
- Albert Einstein

Eagles may soar, but weasel don't get sucked into jet engines.

Thinking: The talking of the soul with itself.
- Plato

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Does killing time damage eternity?
- George Carlin

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and then used against you.

Did the chicken cross the road? or did the road move beneath the chicken?
- Albert Einstien

thinking is one thing few people really do. they follow, they regugitate, and they memorize but few think.
- Kralizec

Some think its funny. Others just think.
- Hazard

Itís a morbid observation, but if everyone on earth just stopped breathing for an hour, the greenhouse effect would no longer be a problem.
- Newsweek Senior Writer Jerry Adler, Dec. 31, 1990 issue

Things always work is just a matter of how they work out.
- Kralizec

I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'The Simpsons' are on TV.
- Anita, age 6

If she died tomorrow, I wouldn't shed a tear. She's a very evil person.
- Trent Reznor refering to Courtney Love

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the galaxy, and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it, and he'll have to touch to be sure.
- Murphy's Technology Law #13

All actual heroes are essential men and all men possible heroes.
- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Wisdom is sold in a desolate marketplace where none can come to buy.
- William Blake

Everyone can think they just don't want to or others lead them into not wanting to.
- Kralizec

Success is a journey...Not a destination
- Anonymous

Beware the fury of a patient man.
- John Dryden

veni vedi vici
- julius cesar

Never underestimate the power of denial.
- Ricky Fitts from American Beauty

when your good friends with two people and they fight. your often torn between 'em.
- Kralizec

Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?
Yes absolutely--input and output at the same time
- Jecieyn's choosen one.

There is one pain I often feel, which youíll never know. Itís caused by absence of you.
- Ashleigh Brilliant

Most people are slow to change, slow to take advantage of an opportunity (unless it leads to imeadeate results), but quick to complain.
- Pyrosis and Kralizec

I... am... from... uh... ka-na-da... ... dey... think.. I... am... slow... eh....

Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.

The language of truth is simple.
- Euripides

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
- Albert Einstein

Common sense is in spite of, not as the result of education.
- Victor Hugo

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein

We have nothing to fear but fear itself.
- Franklin Delano Roosevelt

A person who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein

my hurts like a beotch
- SillySnake

life, for lack of a better word is crap
- Maynardo

A liar should have a good memory.
- Quintilian

"But some people are unique in that they're utter asses."
- lucy "miserere"

part of a interview with Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails:
What would you like to do with Britney Spears?
"I'd like to see how small a Tupperware container I could fit her dismembered body into."

G-Spot (ahh, they love it when I call it that)
- billy "wicked" wilson in referance to ZDnet: gamespot

The nights have been colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra, but the days are just dandy.
- billy "wicked" wilson

Our generation has had no Great Depression, no Great War. Our war is a spiritual war. Our depression is our lives.
- Tyler Durden (brad pitt) in Fight Club

This is your life. Its ending one minute at a time.
- Narrator (Edward Norton) in Fight Club

In the end we had peices of the puzzle, but no matter how we put them gaps remained. oddly shaped emptyness maped by what surrounded them like countries we couldn't name.
- narrator in virgin suicides

The key to immortality is first living a life worth remembering
- brandon lee

In trouble to be troubled Is to have your trouble doubled.
- Daniel Defoe

Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Natural science does not simply describe and explain nature, it is part of the interplay between nature and ourselves.
- Werner Karl Heisenberg

Even a small star shines in the darkness.
- Finnish Proverb

Laugh and the world laughs with you; snore and you sleep alone.
- Anthony Burgess

Down these mean streets a man must go who is not himself mean; who is neither tarnished nor afraid.
- Raymond Chandler

Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
- Ambrose Bierce

As soon as questions of will or decision or reason or choice of action arise, human science is at a loss.
- Noam Chomsky

I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.
- Zhuangzi

Zechariah 5:1-2
1 Then I turned, and lifted up mine eyes, and looked, and behold a flying roll.
2 And he said unto me, What seest thou? And I answered, I see a flying roll; the length thereof is twenty cubits, and the breadth thereof ten cubits.

When you meet someone better than yourself, turn your thoughts to becoming his equal. When you meet someone not as good as you are, look within and examine your own self.
- Confucius

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone.
- Jack Handey

The Errors of a Wise Man make your Rule, Rather than the Perfections of a Fool.
- William Blake

Capt. Wallace B. Binghampton: Did we wake you up?
Willie: No sir, we've been up since the crack of noon.

It takes people a long time to learn the difference between talent and genius, especially ambitious young men and women.
- Louisa May Alcott

such is life
- ned kelly as he is hung to death

next time your driving around with your mom stop in front of a strip joint, and say I will be right back. I just have to pick up my check
- judy gold

mostly having flashbacks of concerts I haven't been to yet.
- Armando

My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it's on your plate that's my philosophy.
- Thornton Wilder

It's too bad stupididty isn't painful. Then maybe some of these people would go get some help.
- unknown

It's better to be hated for something you are then loved for something you aren't.
- unknown

A good man has few enemies. A ruthless man has none.

Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
- Albert Einstein

The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself a fool.
- William Shakespeare

A true friend can tell you exactly what you need to hear, precisely when you don't want to hear it, and still remain your friend afterwards.
- Amanda Bowen

Too many bricklayers make a lopsided house.
- Chinese Proverb

In home-sickness you must keep moving it is the only disease that does not require rest.
- Henry de Vere Stacpoole

Since wars begin in the minds of men, it is in the minds of men that the defenses of peace must be constructed.
- Anonymous

What we have to learn to do, we learn by doing.
- Aristotle

Probable impossibilities are to be preferred to improbable possibilites.
- Aristotle

I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water: I hate to go to bed, I hate to get up, and I hate to be alone.
- Tallulah Bankhead

We have first raised a dust and then complain we cannot see.
- George Berkeley

The weak have one weapon: the errors of those who think they are strong.
- Georges Bidault

The man who gets angry at the right things and with the right people, and in the right way and at the right time and for the right length of time, is commended.
- Aristotle

I have spent a lifetime dancing with love, and what has it given me? A compass when I was lost. Safety when I was in danger. The will to go on when everything was saying give up. When I was young, love teased me. Now that I am old, love sustains me.

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De-modivational Quotes

stupidity: quiters never win, winners, never quit, but those who never win and never quit are idiots.

Agony: not all pain is gain.

apathy: if we don't take care of the customers, maybe they'll stop bugging us

Defeat: for every winner, there are dozens of losers, odds are you're one of them.

Failure: when your best just isn't good enough

Futility: you'll always miss 100% of the shots you don't take, and, statistically speaking, 99% of the shots you do.

ineptitude: if you can't learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly

Losing: if at first you don't succeed failure may be your style.

Mediocrity: it takes a lot less time and most people won't notice the difference until it's too late.

Mistakes: It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.

Pessimism: Every dark cloud has a silver lining, but lightning kills hundreds of people each year who are trying to find it.

Procrastination: Hard work often pays off after time, but laxiness always pays off now.

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Lyrical Quotes

Nothing can stop me now, I just don't care anymore.
- Piggy by Nine Inch Nails

I want somebody who cares, For me passionately, With every thought and with every breath
- Somebody by Depeche Mode

The clouds will part and the sky cracks open, and god himself will reach his fucking arm, through, JUST TO PUSH YOU DOWN, JUST TO HOLD YOU DOWN
- The Wretched by Nine Inch Nails

I descend from grace, in arms of undertow, I will take my place, in the great below
- The Great Below by Nine Inch Nails

It's just a question of time, It's running out for you
- A Question of Time by Depeche Mode

Sometimes I just hear you laugh forever, I want you the fuck out of my head.
- Violent Mood Swings by Stabbing Westard

No cop no stop I don't care
- The Best Things by Filter

Whatever I've done, I've been staring down the barrel of a gun
- Barrel of a Gun by Depeche Mode

Why does it come as a surprise, to think that I was so naive, maybe didn't mean that much, but it meant everything to me.
- That's What I Get by Nine Inch Nails

I have to believe that sin, Can make a better man It's the mood that I am in
- One Carres by Depeche Mode

You change so fast, you're such a creep, you make me feel so very cheap
- Consider This by Filter

The truth scares the shit out of me, who ever said love is blood and love is real, has never felt the way that I feel.
- Haunting Me by Stabbing Westard

I stare into this mirror, So tired of this life, if only you would speak to me or care if I'm alive
- Shame by Stabbing Westard

Gave up trying to figure it out, my head got lost along the way
- Last by Nine Inch Nails

You think your precious, and I think your shit!
- Welcome to the Fold by Filter

I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel, I focus on the pain, the only thing that's real
- Hurt by Nine Inch Nails

Token gestures, some semblance of intelligence, Can we be blamed for the security of ignorance
- The Landscape is Changing by Depeche Mode

I'm the scum of the Earth... I am a cancer... I am humanity...
- Cancer by Filter

broken bruised forgotten sore, too fucked up to care anymore
- Somewhat Damaged by Nine Inch Nails

I hate it when you preach your case, it makes me want to stick my fist through your face
- Dose by Filter

You wear guilt, Like shackles on your feet, Like a halo in reverse
- Halo by Depeche Mode

I think you'd be better off if you were dead
- Consider This by Filter

Work all of my day - it fell down.
- Monument by Depeche Mode

i used to be somebody, i used to have something inside, now just this hole it's open wide
- Down in it by Nine Inch Nails

It all seems so stupid. It makes me want to give up. But why should I give up. When it all seems so stupid
- Shame by Depeche Mode

But if I can't make you love me, Just tell me, What do I have to do, To forget about you
- What do I have to do by Stabbing Westward

What good is a photograph of you everytime I look at it it makes me feel blue
- A Photograph Of You by Depeche Mode

Go ahead and cut me, I can't even feel it, anymore
- Twistfinger by Nine Inch Nails

There's something beating here inside my body, And it's called a heart, You know how easy it is, To tear it apart
- It's Called A Heart by Depeche Mode

I wear this crown of shit, upon my liar's chair, full of broken thoughts, I cannot repair
- Hurt by Nine Inch Nails

Disillusioned - I was disenchanted. Forgot the love that had been implanted. Heard the lies and I felt the cold. It broke my heart and I lost control
- Satellite by Depeche Mode

His perfect kingdom of killing, suffering, and pain. demands devotion, atrocities done in his name
- Heresy by Nine Inch Nails

When you look around. You can't tell me honestly. You're happy with what you see
- Sometimes by Depeche Mode

It won't give up, it wants me dead and goddamn this noise inside my head
- The Becoming by Nine Inch Nails

Now I'm not looking for absolution, Forgiveness for the things I do, But before you come to any conclusions, Try walking in my shoes
- Walking In My Shoes by Depeche Mode

this thing is slowly taking me apart, grey would be the color if I had a heart
- Something I Can Never Have by Nine Inch Nails

I can feel the emptiness inside me, fade and disappear, there's a feeling of contentment, now that you are here
- Only When I Lose Myself by Depeche Mode

everywhere i look you're all i see, just a fading fucking reminder of who i used to be.
- Something I Can Never Have by Nine Inch Nails

I gave it all but no one cared. I feel it slipping away.
- Slipping Away by Stabbing Westward

made you, dream you, find you, taste you, use you, scare you, fuck you, break you
- Easer (Polite) by Nine Inch Nails

Some nights I feel like I have died, or something deep inside is dying.
- Nothing by Stabbing Westward

you are the only thing that makes me want to live at all
- Flames by VAST

I sink into this darkness. I sink into this cold. This emptiness is calling. I've nothing left to lose.
- Ungod by Stabbing Westward

three doors to go through i only want the one that leads to you
- Three Doors by VAST

Do you think I'll feel as lonely when I'm dead? It can silence all the voices in my head.
- When I'm Dead by Stabbing Westward

god damn i am so tired of pretending of wishing i was ending when all i'm really doing is trying to hide and keep it inside and fill it with lies
- Where is Everyone by Nine Inch Nails

not one day goes by that I don't know that I'm dying
- I'm Dying by VAST

I may be surrounded by insanity but I am not insane. and nothing you or anyone else can do will change that.
- Thought Criminal by Velvet Acid Christ

Today a young man on acid realized all matter is really energy condenced to a slow moving vibration. that we are all one concousness shareing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream in imagination of ourselves. Here's tom with the weather.
- Third Eye by Tool

Heaven bound on the wings of love There's so much that you can rise above
- Higher Love by Depeche Mode

I don't know if I'm real without you What is left of me without you? I don't know what's real without you How can I exist without you?
- Shame by Stabbing Westward

I am happy That I have you Even though you're not here now
- It doesn't matter by Depeche Mode

all i know is that i'm here drifting somewhere in the vast somewhere in eternity
- Here by VAST

All I want to do is see you again Is that too much to ask for I just want to see your sweet smile Smiled the way it was before
- See You by Depeche Mode

And when I see you Take the same sweet steps You used to take I know I'll keep on holding you In arms so tight They'll never let you go (never let you go)
- High by the Cure

And somewhere There's someone who cares With a heart of gold To have and to hold
- To have and to hold by Depeche Mode

There is no-one left in the world that I can hold onto there is really no-one left at all there is only you
- Trust by The Cure

I am warmed By your friendship Even when you're far away And I'm happy In the knowledge We may never see the day
- It doesn't matter by Depeche Mode

I'll probably burn in hell For saying this But I'm really in heaven Whenever we kiss
- Stories of Old by Depeche Mode

you won't find me cause i'll be on top of a mountain pissing on your grave
- The Last One Alive by VAST

Paranoia is a disease unto itself, and may I add, the person standing next to you, may not be who they appear to be, so take precaution.
- The Return Of Sathington Willoughby by Primus

hope is falling away from me - let's go down with the ship - let's slip into oblivion
- Blue by VAST

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Simpsons Quotes

Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.
- Homer Simpson

Dear Homer. IOU one emergency donut. Signed Homer. bastard! He's always one step ahead
- Homer Simpson

The girls of the internet. Ooh, I'd go online with them anyday!
- Homer Simpson

People can come up with statistics to prove anything, 14% of all people know that.
- Homer Simpson

Oww, their is only one beer left and its Barts.
- Homer Simpson

Mud is not one of the four food groups.
- Bart Simpson on the chalk board

I beat the smart kids! I beat the smart kids! I beat the smart kids! *trip* Ouch, I bent my wookie.
- Ralph

Two thousand bottle rockets and George Bush doing toe touches by the window. Get one up his butt and get a million points.
- Bart Simpson

Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.
- Bart Simpson on the chalk board

Ah, the goggles. They do nothing for my eyes!
- Radioactive Man

My cat's breath smells like cat food
- Ralph

shoplifting is a victimless crime, like punching someone in the dark.
- Nelson

I don't know who you little pixies are but I sure like your pixie drink
- Barney

Homer: "20 dollars. owww I wanted a peanut."
Homer's mind: "20 dollars can buy many peanuts."
Homer: "explain how"
Homer's mind: "money can be exchanged for goods and services"

This elevator only goes to the basement. And someone made an awwwful mess down there.
- Grandpa Simpson standing in a port-o-potty

Homer, you're dumb as a mule and twice as ugly. If a strange man offers you a ride, I say take it!
- Abe Simpson

its clear now why he (god) portions it (sugar) out in small packets and lives on a plantation in hawaii
- Homer Simpson

Okay brain, I don't like you and you don't like me, but if you get me through this one, I'll go back to killing you with beer.
- Homer Simpson

First we get the sugar, then we get the power, then we get the women.
- Homer Simpson

A woman is more like a beer. They smell good. They look good.... you'd step over your own mother just to get one!
- Homer

Nobody ruins our vacation except me! And maybe the boy!
- Homer

Oh Lisa you and your stories... "Bart's a vampire", "beer kills brain cells". Now let's go back to that... building... thingee... where our beds and TV... is.
- Homer

no one ever suspects the butterfly
- Bart

homer this is only your memory, I cannot give you any new information
- homer's mind

Homer: The bears pay the Bear Tax, I pay the Homer Tax.
Lisa: Dad, thats the Homeowner's Tax.
Homer: Yeah, whatever.

My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist... but he is not a pornstar!
- Abe Simpson

HOMER: Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back, unless your tears smell llike dog food. So you can either sit there crying and eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to make your dog come back -- or you can go out there and find your dog.
BART: You're right! I'll do it. (Bart leaves)
HOMER: Rats. I almost had him eating dog food!

hey, they have chairs with wheels and here I am using my legs like a sucker
- Homer

The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nosebleeds if I just kept my finger outta' there.
- Ralph

homer: what are we going to do with ten thousand angel ash trays?
bart: I could take up smoking.
homer: you damn well better

Edna Krabappel: this could be our last day on earth together love. how would you like to take a romp in the garden of earthly pleasure
Skinner: okay, just give me 20 minutes to finish these tardy slips.

Marge: Hi, I'm Marge Simpson and this is my husband Homer.
Jay: Ahh...the man who didn't know if he had a pimple or a boil.
Homer: It was a gummy bear.

I sleep in a drawer
- ralph

Milhouse: Bart, I never really liked your dog. Remember when he ate my goldfish, and you lied and told me that I didn't have any goldfish? Well why did I have the bowl Bart? Why did I have the bowl?
Bart: Yeah, he was a great dog.

School guidance counselor: Now Mrs. Simpson, when a boy exhibits as many homo-sexual tendencies as your son, it's natural to get picked on.
Marge: Bart's gay?!
School guidance counselor: Bart?? Oh sorry. (puts away file labeled Milhouse van houten)

I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T, I mean S-M-A-R-T!
- Homer

homer (with a giant we're number 1 hand): man these are prime seats, I could sure go for a hotdog
marge: homer this is a operation.
hotdog vender: hotdogs, get your hotdogs here.

lisa: I won't rest till everyone knows his (bleeding gums murphy) name .
homer: and I won't rest till I get a hotdog.
marge: homer this is a cemitary
hotdog vender: hotdogs, get your hotdogs here.
marge: what do you do, follow my husband around everywhere.
hotdog vender: lady, he is putting my kids through college

Hello, I'm doctor cheeks. I was making my rounds and I'm a little behind.
- Bart showing his butt

krusty: and to prove that this little metal o is harmless I will eat one. awwwww ouch oh its shreading my insides.
sideshow mel: krusty that a normal krusty o not a metal one
krusty: its poison!

Bonjour, you cheese-eatin' surrender-monkeys.
- Groundskeeper Willie teaching a French class

Homer: Well, time to go to work.
Homer thinking: Little do they know, I'm ducking out early to take the Duff Brewery tour.
Homer: Roll in at nine, punch out at five, that's the plan.
Homer thinking: Heh heh heh, they don't suspect a thing. Well, off to the plant!
Homer: Then to the Duff Brewery!
Homer thinking: Uh, oh! Did I say that or just think it?
Homer: I gotta think of a line, fast!
Marge: Homer, are you going to the Duff Brewery?
Homer: Aaaauuuggh!!

I 'ate your dog! and I 'ate the mess he left on me floor too!
- Groundskeeper Willie

As inteligence goes up happyness goes down. I made a chart too. I make lots of charts.
- lisa

MARGE: Homer, there's a man here who thinks he can help you.
HOMER: Batman?
MARGE: No, he's a scientist.
HOMER: Batman's a scientist.
MARGE: it's not Batman!

Homer: I would like your deadliest gun please.
Gun store clerk: Aisle 6, next to the sympathy cards.

Man, you go through life, you try to be nice to people, you struggle against the urge to punch Ďem in the face, and for what?! For some pimply little puke to treat you like dirt unless youíre on a team. Well Iím better than dirt... well most kinds of dirt. I mean, not that fancy, store-bought dirt. That stuffís loaded with nutrients. I canít compete wit that stuff.
- Moe

(yelling at Bart) Why do you think I took you to all those police academy movies?! For Fun?! Well I didn't hear anyone laughing! Did you? Except at that guy that made sound effects...(Homer does a few piss poor sound effects) hehehe. Right, now, where was I? Oh yeah, stay out of my booze!
- Homer

Homer's brain: sometimes reverse psychology is the best answer.
Homer: reverse psychology? that's for chumps.
Homer's brain: all right fine, don't use reverse psychology.
Homer: all right, i will!

Homer: Don't let Krusty's death get ya down boy, people die all the time. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow (they pause looking at each other) ...well goodnight.

Homer: A gun isn't a weapon, Marge... its a tool... like a butcher knife or a harpoon or... or... an alligator. you just need more education on the subject.

Homer: You're missing the point! The individual doesn't matter. It was a team effort! And I was the one who came up with the whole team idea... Me!

Bart: Uh oh I smell a museum, I hate museums.
Homer: Ohhhhh. Good things don't end in -eum, they end in -mania and.. .-eria.

Abe Simpson: your dad used to be smart as a monkey then he started getting lazy and is now dumb as a chimp

Homer: Here's the keys.
Ivory dealer: Elephants don't have keys.
Homer: I'll just keep these then.

Lisa: Krusty! What have you done to yourself?
Krusty: I thought I'd get into shape, so I've been drinking nothing but milkshakes.
Lisa: You mean those diet milkshakes?
Krusty: Uh oh.

Submarine Captain: I'm a man of few words... any questions?
Homer: Is the poop deck really what i think it is?
Submarine Captain: Haha, i like the cut of your jib son.
Homer: What's a jib?
Submarine Captain: Hahaha, promote that man.

Abe Simpson: I want a bib too

homie and bart bart mimic yogi the bear
Homie: hey bart bart, looks like a great day to swipe some picknick baskets
Bart Bart: but ranger ned said no more picknick baskets

Homer: When I was a boy, i wanted a catcher's mitt so badly, but my dad wouldn't buy it for me, so i held my breath until i passed out and hit my head on the coffee table. The doctor thought i might have brain damage...
Bart: Uh.. Dad, what's the point of this story?
Homer: I like stories.

Skinner: I know you can read my thoughts, Bart. Just a little reminder: If I find out you cut class, your ass is mine. Yes, you heard me. I think words I would never say.

Wiggim: Well, your story's very compelling Mr. Jackass....I mean, Simpson. I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter.

I know, if I sink to the bottom I can run to the shore
- homer as a rip tide pulls him out into the ocean

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Star Control Quotes

*Extra sick fish* need *special training* for extra *fun*. We will have a *happy party* now.
- Orz

I suddenly sink into a chasm of depression. I must go.
- Utwig.

Blah, blah, blah! Mary had a little lamb! I like to hold fuzzy little animals and give them huggie-wuggies.
- Ur-Quan

Secrets, huh? You want secrets? OUR SECRETS!? YOU MADE FATAL MISTAKE, HUMAN!! .. Har! Har! Har! Good joke, eh? Scared you!
- Umgah

Ugh. I suppose, as a courtesy, I should extend an appropriate greeting. On behalf of the Utwig Proctors I truly hope, for your sake hat your day has been better than ours lthough this really isn't saying that much.
- Utwig

Juffo-Wup is strong in this place
- Mycon

Inferior Aliens. You have once again intruded upon the territory of the Thraddash. This is a patrolled region of space. Your presence here is considered an act of War! How wonderful!
- Thraddash

Hello extremely! I hope you like to *play*. Some *campers* are not so good for *games*. Is it time for *playing* yet?
- Orz

Welcome alien guest to the home of the gentle and playful Pkunk, Children of the Cosmic Light, Hobgoblins of Joy, Seekers of Spiritual Truth, and other neat stuff like that.
- Pkunk

I am Shloosh. I was incinerated fourteen thousand Earth years ago. I live now, for but a moment and then, I am gone.
- Mycon

The enemy of your enemy is your friend... at least for a time.
- Arilou

AUGH! Will you just SHUT UP ABOUT FRUNGY?! If you say another word about that STUPID GAME I'm going to lose control and blow a cloud of spores at you!
- Zoq Fot Pik

...We who have sacrificed our honor! We who have lain with our enemy! WE ARE NOT WORTHY! WE ARE NOTHING!...We are less than nothing. But wait! We are not Spathi. We are Yehat... OF THE STARSHIP CLANS!
- Yehat

We would follow the Path of Now and Forever. We decided to enslave or imprison all other intelligent life in the galaxy.
- Ur-Quan Kzer-Za

By The Green Eye Of Dogar, It Is A Squishy Bone-Bag Hu-Man!
- Ilwrath

Blood is red, bruises are blue When strangers come here, we run them through! HARG! HARG! HARG!
- Thraddash

Why you wallowing, phlegm-filled Dgrunti belly-licker!
- Shofixti

First, We Will Peel Back The Curious Follicle-Infested Outer Layer Followed By The Greasy Blankets Of Yellow Lard. Such A Confusing Hodge-Podge Of Parts Can Entertain For Hours!
- Ilwrath

We cleanse. You are the filth.
- Kohr-Ah

Ahoy Stupid human. You are arrogant and absurd!
- Thraddash

*Parties* are always best in the *middle*.
- Orz

I will hang your withered reproductive organs from my posterior monitor!
- Shofixti

Juffo-Wup is All... omni-existent, spreading and changing the Non into Juffo-Wup.
- Mycon

Ho, ho! It is the creature which I wrongly called a disgusting Ur-Quan slimewad and a cowardly slug-spawn and a pouchless lard-log freak and a leprous, non-functional sex organ and a wallowing, phlegm-filled Dgrunti belly-licker.
- Shofixti

A cold rock, spinning silently in the Void, a womb for the Children.
- Mycon

Now I sink into a depression that leaves me speechless.
- Utwig

`...look... think... act... look... learn... remember... teach...look... think...'
- Mycon

We agonized for hours wondering if it was a cruel twist of fate or simply a serious case of butterfingery. Ah, the lifetimes that have been spent in the pursuit of the elusive answer to this deceptively simple question has driven many of us down the dark road of self-destruction. Indeed, even as these words strike the ears of any that care to listen the real question is, Does It Matter?
- Utwig

Our motives are multiple, our desires complex.
- Arilou

Each day when we awaken we call forth the traditional Spathi prayer: Oh God...Please don't let me die today! Tomorrow would be so much better!
- Spathi

Even Now It Begs For Death And So Now I Must Decide... Will It Be By Sequentially Bursting Sensory Apparatus Until Nothing Remains? Will It Be By Shaking It Until It Is Oozing All Over? Will It Be By Chewing Off Bits And Pieces Until It No Longer Functions? Hmm, I Think Not The Latter -- Too Many Bones.
- Ilwrath

Your behavior makes clear the very slight distinction between bravery and suicidal stupidity.
- Spathi Safe Ones

It Is The Good Will Of Dogar And Kazon That Brings The Fodder Hu-Man To Us! Were It Not For The Dark Lords Of Deceptions' Mighty Directive, We Would Not Have The Good Fortune To Intercept You For A Festive Limb Wringing
- Ilwrath

Ah, Mister Nasty is back. I wonder what he wants today? Peace, Happiness, Joy for all? No, I fear, death and unmitigated destruction is his traditional fare. Am I correct?
- Spathi

This humble warrior will take the Shofixti maidens you possess gently wake them and then perform ribald feats of unsurpassed fertility!
- Shofixti

I am *expanding!* It is so much *squishy* to *smell* you! *Campers* are the best! I have *anticipation* and then what? Better parties in *the middle* for sure.
- Orz

Perhaps what you need is some time to yourself, alien time to dwell on your arrogance and general thick-headedness. Enjoy your solitude, alien. Prolong it as much as possible.
- Pkunk

Blasphemer! You Are Not Fit For The Most Holy Rituals Of Devivication And Consumption! Dogar And Kazon Would Most Assuredly Gag On Your Sour Flesh And Spit Your Thin Soul Onto The Ninth Mountain Of Hell. Therefore We Shall Simply Cut You Up And Feed You To The Pets.
- Ilwrath

A single spore lands, finds nourishment in decay and attains maturity.. In turn it exhales a cloud of life, a thousand spores land... so progresses Juffo-Wup.
- Mycon

Ha-ha-ha-ha! You Must Be Either A Naive Child Or A Hopeless Fool. In Either Case, It Makes No Difference, Because Soon You Will Be DEAD!
- Ilwrath

Oh jubilation and moderate amounts of spiritual-type ecstasy, our sensitive friend and intimate soulmate has returned to our homeworld, bringing with him his most beautiful aura and radiant smile. How do you fare, Captain?

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